Lost.

Should I start believing in what Facebook quizzes said about me? That What's wrong with me is because I'm too attractive? I find it bullshit but a lot of things are coming to me at once now. I thought I was paranoid but my Queen said things to me which makes me realised I'm not. I hate to be like now. I just wanna stay happy. I don't wanna think about anything else now.

If I could choose, I rather there's never a single boy on earth and I'll be Lesbian. The saying ' No Boy = No Pain ' is kinda true. I'm so sick and tired of boys.

Once I thought, I could be with just one person happily ever after. Believing in fairytale and believing in him. But once and again, He held me high, drop me down, left me to despair. Once I thought I could really let go, move on yet I'm always bounced back to wherever I was from. I'm weak, mentally. And this is something I really hate about myself and I don't know what I can do to make myself a mentally strong person. The only thing I know is to run back to my Queen. Cause she'll protect me and keep me strong.

If you ask me, how many times have I really fall in love. I would say, Twice in my entire 21 years of living. I spent 1/3 of my years living with the same person. Maybe I'm stupid, to everyone. I spent my 1/3 of my life with someone who's not worth me loving and doing so much for. But people who really know me will know that, when I fall in love, I don't care about anything else. Like Queen said : ' She's the one I never thought I would have to worry about. But never did I expect her to give up everything for a guy. ' Yes, I was impulsive. I regretted, a lot. But what was done was done. I've gave up a lot, sacrifice enough and I've no more energy to keep sacrificing anymore. I've gave up all I can, sacrifice all I can, for the same person yet was never appreciated. Maybe I was, but maybe just that I'm not being cherished. Like everyone says, 有的时候不珍惜, 失去了才后悔. Maybe I was never meant to be cherished. Or maybe I was, just that I'm not willing to let other people to cherish me.

My heart is tightly sealed. That's all I can say.
Yes I wanna fall in love.
I wanna be holding someone's hand.
I wanna be taking care of someone.
I wanna have someone telling me all the sweet things.

But that doesn't mean I'll fall in love with someone else.
Time is the best medicine. But it doesn't work on me.
Cause I've tried it for years.
I don't wanna try anymore.

Leave me alone. Stay away from me.
I'm sorry.