when i was checking my school email today.. i discover something very saddening to not only myself, but my family.. my friends. title of email- Debarment. and inside, i was told that i'm being debarred for three modules, which can be considered as a straight dismiss from school. ohh well, life sucks. really sucks. when you're unlucky, EVERYTHING just come to ALL TOGETHER! FUCK UPP LIFE. KANINA. this is so pissing.
i replied to my advisor, asking him to give me one last chance. like i promised the lecturers, i will attend all the lectures and tutorials everyday. for the past one week, i didn't absent myself. i wanna prove to them that i can really come to school.. to study. but now, receiving this kind of email.. hit my morale to the lowest point. what should i do??? listening to 'All good things come to an end' now. thinking of bevan. well, sudden thought. back to topic. yarh.. i was very stun to see the email. well, though i told myself before that i have to get myself mentally prepared about debarment.. but when i was told i'm being debarred.. my heart sank to the bottom.. i feel sad. i wanted to cry.. then only i realised that i do care a lot about my studies a lot. just that i'm very lazy. for the past term. i have been absent for almost half the term. spending the other half of the term sleeping and playing at home. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HURR KAT!!!!!!!! i got myself into deep shit. a really deep one. FUCK! this is hell. seriously hell. i hope i can be given another chance to prove myself.. i hope the advisor will bring me some good news. i hope.. i wish....
as for what happened this morning, bevan settled everything. and i was told that everything is okay already. and i don't wish to bother about it anymore actually. bevan told me it was a misunderstanding. and he sorted out with him. so okay. let them be. both men talk should be easier. don't know.. don't care.. as long as both parties settled the problem.. then everything is okay. i don't care now.. i'm feeling tired.. very tired.. feeling sleepy.. didn't sleep for two days. all because of this problem.. why must do all these? consider things over and over again?? and he just sit there and do nothing. yarh, i know.. it's my fault. but.. that's doesn't mean now, as a friend, he can control my steps. checking every single thing i do. this is not friendship. this is nonsense. FUCK OFF! i had enough. don't bother me anymore. stop calling me, stop calling my mom, stop calling my house.. FUCK OFF UNTIL THE DAY YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO. if not, GOODBYE. i'm not giving in this time. always me, always i'm the one end upp feeling stress. i don't like this kind of feeling. i hate it!! SCRAM! SCRAM OFF MY LIFE! IF YOU CAN'T MAKE ME HAPPY, DON'T COME TO MY LIFE. i will only HATE you for that.
i am suppose to be doing my Maths Online. but feeling damn unhappy.. so i'm here blogging. BLOG OUT EVERYTHING, HOPING TO SEE A HAPPIER ME AFTER THIS. yesssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haix............... don't know lahh.. LIFE SUCKS. that's true. fuck care lahh. can't be bothered now. my studies come first.. i better do verything nicely for my studies.. if not, i'll be guilty for LIFE. this is worse than dying. FUCK! NABEH!! don't know lahh. fucking this is hell lahh.. i'm living in hell when i'm on earth.. i know.. everyone has their downside.. and mine happens NOW!!!! of all timing, NOW?!?!?!?!?! FUCK LIFE MANN. arGHHHHG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gRRRRRRRRRRrr!!!!!!!!!!!! my eyes are heavy.. but i still have a lot more to do. bevan is not home yet.. he's at katong playing pool now.. like whatever? hmphh. i'm very sleepy. i guess after this entry. after i done all my things, not WORKS. i'm gonna go and bathe and SLEEP!! tomorrow is morning lesson. 8am. better be early than late. yesssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! listening to ' that's my goal ' now. so many memories passby head. so many things. so unforgettable. so vex. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! leave me alone. don't think of anything. happy thoughts.. happy thoughts..
well, i guess i'm done for now.. too tired to continue further.. =_= nights all.. bye.
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