Photo Album

omg! it takes like freaking long to upload photos to my photo album? -.-

i've been trying to upload photos to my online album but it just takes damn long. -.-

was thinking if i upload them all online then you guys can check it out easier. hahas.

anyways, i'm feeling better today. thanks maria.. thanks steph for talking to me. i love you all to bits and pieces.

and you know what? just a DAY, there're like 50 visitors to my blog? yet no one actually tag me except for maria. how sad can that be. hais.

chat with amy too. gonna go east coast on thursday.. and meeting maria too. gonna have dinner with her. (: hahas.

dinner with my queen tomorrow night. i love my queen! (:

to steph :
girl, i know i've always make you worry about me. i know you've been there watching over me even though you're far away. i miss you, i really do. i want to see you.. i wanna see all you three. but.. everyone is just so busy with school and you're so far away. hais. i hope when you're back.. we'll meet up real soon. i'm sorry, i've always disappoint you. i'm sorry i'm unable to move on and untie the knot within myself. i'm sorry, i can't get over everything. if i can, i would. but it just seems so difficult. i tried.. i really tried.. but.. somehow, i just can't bring myself to do that. yes, i have my soft spot. and he's hitting on it. which always makes me change my mind. i'm sorry girl.. i wish i could be hard-hearted. i wish i could be mean. but i can't. i once thought of cutting all forms of contact with him, including leaving the skating rink. but i just can't. skaters left me with too much of memories for the past 3 years. and by returning to the rink.. i'll see him once again.. i want to ignore him, i want to get away from him.. but i couldn't run away from my feelings. i couldn't run away from my soft spot. i'm sorry girl.. i know you love me.. you don't want me to get hurt. but i'm silly enough to be hurt not only once, but don't know how many times by believing in him. and now, i just hope he can prove to me, that this time round, is not the wrong choice again.. i just hope, we can be happy.. but things just don't seems right.. girl, i hope to make things right.. but it seems to be wrong all the time.. :( hais. i don't know how to make it right. and while trying to make it right, i made myself upset.. cause i realise i'm changing myself. doing things which i don't normally do.. and trying so hard to fit into his life yet again. giving up a lot of my favourite things yet he doesn't see. and he claims to be the only one doing the most sacrifices. i'm disappointed. cause this is not the first time. like you, i'm disappointed. believing in someone who promised things will never be the same.. yet things always go back to what it was. and still telling myself not to give up, hang on. and still asking myself to believe his words, trust him. girl, i know you don't wanna see me like now. you want me to be happy like before. but i fail you.. i know i do. i don't even know what i'm doing anymore. i don't even know why am i doing this anymore. i just feel so lost. to be always telling myself not to lose trust and have faith. i know if it were to be other girl.. they would have turn their back and leave and never return.. sad to say, i don't have the courage to do so. i can't bring myself to do so. he just keep hitting on my soft spot. and yes, stupidly and silly enough, i choose to return to him with trust and faith. i hope before things got worsen, it'll get better. girl, don't worry about me. i promise.. when you're back, you'll see the happy little princess like who you always see. you'll definitely see her back to you. i promise.. and, girl, i love you.. =]


my girl was so worried about me when she saw my blog and hurry talk to me on msn today. i know i made her worry.. but all i can say is sorry..

i wish to make things right. but i don't. why are we always like that? i don't know. i envy other couples who are so peaceful and happy. no quarrels, just happiness. i want a relationship like this. but somehow, me and him don't seems suitable. why? even after so many years.. i just don't understand.. we seems to be never able to settle down. or is it just another sign to ask me to let go and move on? i don't know. i don't want to. but what can i do now?

i lost my glow.. yet again..