i'm home. went to urban skate with zac, guangliang and zhi wei last night after work. yarh.. then went to zac's house after that. bathe and etc. then i go home. and zac send me to mrt station.
zac is behaving oddly just now after i came out from the bathroom. he was like, rushing out of the house and i ask him where is he going.. he say he's gonna buy cigarette. and he left the house. then i went back to the room. on the monitor and i saw that he just read my blog. well, obviously he was behaving weirdly after he read my blog. he was quiet all the way. i tried asking him what happened.. but he just keep telling me nothing. well, how to believe nothing happened when i know something did happened? i don't know. i tried to prompt him to tell me what happen but he refuse. so i just leave it.
on the way he send me to mrt station.. after we cross the road.. he suddenly remembered that he usually don't send me that far.. so he ask if i want him to send me to the mrt station.. i said " up to you. " i could sense he's waiting for me to tell him that i want him to send me there. but still, the choice is up to him to decide. not for me to decide. but still, he send me to the mrt station. so on the way there.. again, i tried to ask him what happened.. but still, he refuse to say and keep pretending nothing happened. i somehow know the reason.. and was waiting for him to tell me what's bothering him. but yet he kept quiet.. i could see his eyes was watery.. he was trying to be strong in front of me.. yes, i can sense that.. but.. but.. but.. seeing him like that.. pains me.. :(
i was paranoid.. so i called him and ask him to tell me what's going on.. end up.. he was telling me that he hope that i could tell him i will wait for him before he go in NS. well, what can i do now? maybe i should sit down and have a good chat with my mom. also, on the way to mrt station.. he suddenly ask me " what's the song that represent our relationship? " i answered " right here waiting. " then he say.. " i think we should change to another song. " of course, i asked why. then he say. " no lahh.. change to something else lohh. " i find it weird.. so i ask again.. why.. and he say " are you waiting? " and i keep quiet.. then he say he find it stupid when i'm not waiting. for years.. this song has been a song with relate us together. but now he tell me that. i was stun. but in the end i tell him, " up to you lahh.. you wanna change then change lohh.. " and both of us silence.
on the way back on mrt.. i actually think a lot. about me and zac's past. our happiness and sadness. and for the years we've been together.. what have we done together.. a lot.. we've gone through a lot.. and i was wondering.. if we could pass this round. he told me just now that on march 13.. he asked for a chance to be nice to me again.. just one month.. and now the time is upp. and he say he just wanna be happy with me for the last 17 days. is it really gonna be just 17 days? or it could be longer? i don't know.. but if i were the last time kat.. i believe it will be longer than just a 17 days. now.. i'm no longer the same.. i don't believe in things which i can't tell if it can come true. i want prove to assure myself. yes, zac has been nice to me.. even though he pissed me off a little here and there. but he was nice to me. he give in to me.. etc etc. but.. but.. to promise him to wait for him is gonna be another thing already. it's not easy waiting for a guy to serve NS. it's a tough decision to make. but.. i know i have to give him an answer to at least ease his worries. haix..
ben talked to me yesterday before i go for work. he say that bevan is not gonna come back for holiday. well, his decision. i can' decide for him anyway. take care then bahh. study hard.
my mind went blank now. i guess i'm tired. i need some rest before work. bye. later i'm working 1pm - 11pm. 10 hours of work. =_= happy yeah? -dream on.
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