did i make the right decision?

okays. first of all.. TOMORROW I'M OFF! hahas. damn tired. : hahas. lucky tomorrow off. but i can't sleep for the whole day also. need to go tanjong pagar to settle my permit thingy. : supposed to get it done on last week. but delayed it. =_= i'm lazy lahh. hahas. recently, i'm crazy over the song DON'T MATTER BY AKON. :) it's nice.


Konvict Konvict
Oh
Ohoohwooe
Oooh
Ooohhwooe

Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon' fight
oh yes we gon' fight
Believe we gon' fight
we gon' fight fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you

Nobody wanna see us together
nobody thought we'd last forever
I feel I'm hopin' and prayin'
things between us gon' get better
Men steady comin' after you
women steady comin' after me
Seem like everybody wanna go for self
and don't wanna respect boundaries
Tellin' you all those lies
just to get on your side
But I must admit there was a couple secrets
I held inside
But just know that I tried
to always apologize
And I'ma have you first always in my heart
to keep you satisfied

Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon' fight
oh yes we gon' fight
Believe we gon' fight
we gon' fight
fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you

Got every right to wanna leave
got every right to wanna go
got every right to hit the road
and never talk to me no more
you don't even have to call
even check for me at all
because the way I been actin' lately
has been off the wall
Especially toward you P
uttin' girls before you
and they watchin' everything
I been doin' just to hurt you
most of it just ain't you ain't true
and they won't show you
how much of a queen you are to me
and why I love you baby

Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon' fight
oh yes we gon' fight
Believe we gon' fight
we gon' fight
fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you

Oh oh oh oh oh
Cause I got you
cause I got you
Ooooh
cause I got you babe
cause I got you

Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon' fight
oh yes we gon' fight
Believe we gon' fight
we gon' fight
fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon' fight
oh yes we gon' fight
Believe we gon' fight
we gon' fight
fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you

well, nice song. next time i put it as my blog song kkays? just change my song.. don't wanna change so soon. :) anyway, i made a decision which i don't know if it's right. i don't really wish to blog down what is it. however.. i don't wish to tell him yet. i'm afraid he'll lose trust in me. i don't wanna lose his trust just like that. i don't want. but i hope if i ever take upp my courage and tell him, he will understand my feelings. and i know he will. just that right now, i don't have the courage to tell him yet. i hope, i wish, i could do it soon.

i'm feeling guilty.. very guilty. i don't know what should i do now. actually to work is one way for me to not think so much. and i hope it helped me in a way or so. working is another good way of forgetting. i hope i forget soon. i know it's not gonna be easy. but i have to. if not, not only i will feel terrible.. another person will feel terrible too. and it's gonna be hard.

+ i hope after YOU read this entry, YOU know what i'm trying to do now. if YOU don't understand, there's nothing more i could do to make things better. i'd give upp. +

i'm feeling stress. yes i am. and i've been trying hard to release stress. i thought by working and not having spare time to do anything else, i'd feel better. i doubt i'm right. i seems to be adding stress to myself even more. i expect myself to do everything extremely well during work. but i have one problem with me now. - my lateness. i don't know why, working at hougang, i tend to be late more often. i'm trying to not be late always. now, with the baby at my house, i feel even more like not leaving my house for work. i hope i won't be like this no more. -hope-

everyday when i'm on my way to work.. walking to the mrt station.. i think a lot. and i feel stress. think until i feel like crying sometimes. i don't know what i should do. i feel very vexed. i feel helpless. i feel lost. all along, i just hope for a life which i won't feel so much stress. but my life don't seems to flow with me. my life is opposing me. everything is just not right. the only comfort i have now is to see the smile from the baby when i wake upp in the morning and reach home at night. to carry him and talk to him. that's when i feel that little of comfort. but how long can this last? the baby is going back next week. he can't be here forever. i will miss playing with him when he's gone. i can't go on like this.. i know.. but i don't seems to be able to find a win-win solution to solve my problems. what am i to do?? help me.. i just wanna be a girl who need not think so much and to be happy always.. my smiles are gone.. again... someone, bring back my smiles please.. this time, not bevan. not him anymore. i have been wondering.. should i see him again? even after he return to singapore. now i got my answer. after i return him his chain. i guess i'm not seeing him anymore. i'm not severing ties with him or not gonna be-friend him. we'll still be friends. but i think things will be better off that way. i can't always depend on him when he's around and depend on someone else when he's away. not anymore. i'm not gonna do that anymore. anyway, i need to get out of my sadness soon. real soon...... i hate the way i am now. i seriously hate it. the life i have now, is not the life i'm expecting. i don't want this life.

ohh yarh, schedule is out for next week. but i can only remember a few days. the rest i will update again.


monday- OFF
tuesday- 5pm-closing (ECP)
wednesday - 12pm - closing (HOUGANG)
thursday - 1pm - 10pm (HOUGANG)
friday - claim PH.
saturday -3pm to closing (HOUGANG)
sunday - either 1pm/3pm - closing (HOUGANG)

WOW! surprisingly, i remember the schedule. =_= not confirm for saturday and sunday though. still have time to check de lahh. well, i've been spending a lot of time at hougang. well, i understand that they're short of staffs. so i don't mind going to help. but i miss east coast. i wanna go back to east coast. and marcus is gonna be away to clear away his hours this thursday onwards. and i think it's gonna be busy then. much busier than usual i guess. though sales may not be good or something. but short of one staff, the rest are bound to be more busy. yarh..

well, finally i'm not working on a FRIDAY! CAN GO FOR TRAINING! :) ohh yarh.. i saw sky at hougang mall today. he's with his ' girl-friend '. just the two of them only OKAY! =D then chat with him a while. i was doing closing then. about ten plus? yupps. then he left without even saying bye! how NICE of him. >.< anyway, it has been such a long time since i skated. LONG TIME okay! half a month i guess. everytime i wanna skate then it'll rain. so sad. the weather is against me. -pissed- hope it's gonna be good on the coming friday.

hmm, tomorrow off, maybe i should visit the band. :) yupps. feel like skating lehh.. but the weather is so unpredictable. : so sad. never mind. tomorrow i need to get my things done too. and i wanna spend my whole day with the adorable baby! so maybe after i get my things done, i'll visit the band a while then go home and spend the rest of my day with baby. and friday's PH. i should be spending it with my girls. going to sing with them i think. :) yupps. have been missing them plenty. i love you my girls. MSSK. :) i wanna watch the crocodile movie! i forgot the title. but the advertisment is good. so maybe i should go and watch when i'm free. it's out on the 8th. :) yupps.

*yawns* okays. i'm feeling tired. wanna play maple for while then go and sleep lerx. nights all. bye. update soon. :)