tired?

i guess i'm tired. tired of all the nagging that i have to give to certain someone. tell me who likes to nag? tell me who likes to repeat themselves time and again? tell me, which soul will be happy doing that all the time?

i can bet with you, not anyone.

i also don't like to nag. i too, hate to nag at people. but sometimes, people just don't listen and keep doing things which they think are right and not wanting to change. denial.. everyone think it's not right but to some people, they'll just keep thinking, no i'm always right! PERSISTENCE DOESN'T HELP. especially when you're obviously in the wrong.

i'm not gonna care. i'm not gonna say anything anymore. i'll just keep my mouth shut. i don't wanna be told i'm always at fault when all i was thinking is i'm just worried.

worry; that's why i say.
worry; that's why i nag.
worry; that's why i scold.
worry; that's why i don't allow.
worry; shows that i love you.

and if, nagging, saying, scolding and don't allowing means i don't love you as much as you do. all i wanna tell you is, all these while, what you've been doing was just telling me you love me and you showed no actions to tell me you really do.

i can always tell you, i love you like the kids love chocolate, like the flowers need water. but i do nothing to show you i really loved you. that's the difference.

everyone know you're good with words. everyone know. sweet talks, that's what you're best at. what else can you do? what else? tell me, what can you do to ease my worries? honestly, i don't see you doing it. if by telling me everything is fine, it's never convincing enough. but, i'm not gonna say anything. i shall give you the benefit of doubts, like what you always tell me. i shall see, when, will you really be able to settle down. cause currently, you're not showing me you are. and, which this, it's enough for me to cancel away whatever we've planned.

i don't need a boyfriend who always tell me i'm pretty, i'm sexy etc. all the sweet talks. i don't need all these all the time. cause all these, if were said too often, it'd became too fake. there's no sincerity anymore. and, i'm not a girl who really fancy sweet talks.

think, have you really been that perfect boyfriend, like what you always tell me? you don't have to own a lot of things, you don't have to be as good as others, you don't have to be as talented as others, you don't have to be as smart as others nor do you have to be as rich as others, to be my perfect boyfriend. all i ever needed was you being truthful and build back the trust that you're ruined last time. but when it's about to be build, you always have something to tarnish it. why?

can i? can i know why? why is it always like that.

really, i'm tired.
don't take away the smile that i've been trying hard to find.
don't take away the hopes you gave me.
don't take away the happiness i've found in you.
don't take away the trust i've been trying to give you.
don't take away cheerful soul within me.
don't, don't make me feel like leaving.

i only hope you could learn, learn what's control your own limits. learn what should be done at what time. learn what's right to do and what's not. learn to think like a mature adult. learn to analyse things. learn to know that i just hope you'll learn.
i don't need you to give me the best on earth. i just hope you could learn.
time to your ORD is getting nearer, and tell me, what are your plans? no, you don't have any now. think, why would i worry about all these? or, do you even know i'm worrying. cause to you, i'm just some kind of childish girl. whatever it is, i'm gonna remain silence.

just go and think, are you really right? if you insist you're right, i have nothing to say anymore.


god,
i wanna kick away the habbit of worrying for others.
i wanna kick away the habbit of caring for others.
i wanna kick away the habbit of helping others.
i wanna kick away the habbit of being there for others.
i wanna kick away the habbit of thinking about others.
i wanna kick away the habbit of, being so kind.

sorry.
i guess, i'm just not able to be the perfect girl you're looking for.
or maybe, all these while you're making a mistake being with me.