it's disappointment with myself..

i just read lynn's blog. yes. and i somehow know that there's a sentence for me. well.. it's not hatred, i'm just disappointed with myself. very disappointed. and she seems to be challenging me now. she said she'll prove to me that it's a long-term thng and not a one time thing. well.... i'm up to challenge. I AM UP TO CHALLENGE.

she said she's gonna practise even harder than usual to master the art of sliding. well. okays. i'll too, master the art of not only sliding.. but as well as slalom and figure. but my prority goes to slides. yes. i'm gonna practise harder too. we'll meet eaqch other in the next slalomania and interbationally freestyle challenge. well, we'll see who is gonna be the next 1st runner up. yes, we'll see. though we're in the same team. this is what she want in order to prove her position. i'm on. i'm ready for a challenge. yes i am. i will show her what i've got. very soon. i'm trying very hard to let go of what i'm thinking about her. and now she opens up a challenge. okays. i'm going for it. we'll see each other at the league next year. whatever it is, i will still try to let go and be friends again. hopefully i will be able to get rid of the feelings in my heart. i'm not disliking you for the competition, but because of zac. i didn't think that problem between me and her will come to tthis extend. but really sad to say.. we came to this extend already.. maybe until the day you got yourself a really close boyfriend, like maria nand wilson, then only i will be able to open up to you like the rest. i'm sorry, i know you shouldn't be blame. but i'm a girl who is super sensitive towards stuffs like betrayal. even when i see you getting close to zac sometimes, i'm unhappy about it. just that i kept quiet. [ stay away from him to prevent misunderstanding between us. ] it's not hatred. but i'm just disappointed with my even more each time i see you. i lost to myself, not you. -remember this.

i'm not going to brood over the competition results. i'm gonna look forward to the nest competition and score even much better than ever. I PROMISE THAT. i will do better than anyone think i would. to those who belittle me, you're gonna be so so wrong. you're gonna see what i can prove to you. yes.. you're so wrong about me. very very wrong.

though the competition wasn't a happy ending to me, i'm gonna make it will be a happy ending to me the next time. no more sad ending for me. i hate the feeling of sadness. i wanna be happy. i swear i will be. i'm gonna master what i've yet to master.

okays. that's all for now.

[[ i'm not hating you but got disappointed with myself more each time i sees you. ]]