hmm.. went for the instructor dinner on wednesday.. it was great, really. so nice of darren. :) hahas. :) yupps. we had four crabs okays! two chilli crabs and two cheese crabs. hmm.. cheese crab is not my fancy one. hahas. :) yupps. i prefer chilli. :) nicer. hahas. yupps. lols. i made zac unhappy on wednesday.. cause of my message on tuesday. : yarh. cause i message him.. saying..
kat: ' if i seriously ask you to choose between me and cigratte, which one will you choose?? difficult?? i help you choose, give up me and choose choco. okay? happy?? '
i know i'm mean. but.. i can't control my mood at that moment. he has been wanting me to quit, or rather stop smoking.. cause i've yet to be addicted. so somehow i find it hard cause he's always smoking in front of me and it's like, tempting me? make me have the craving for smoking. i know i wasn't like this like this last time. but for those who knows me well knows why i actually started. i don't wish to explain. no point saying it now. yarh. i promised zac that i'll stop completely when september ends. and it's ending soon. yarh. somehow, i know that i might not be able to do it. cause until now i still have craving for it. just that i keep telling myself not to think about it. that's why i choose to have tight schedule. then keeping myself free from work. to stop, it's not for zac, but for my friends. i don't want them to be upset. especially qianhui, chuti, yuzhen and nicole. as for zac, he's part of the reason but not the main. i know if he knows this, he'll be unhappy. so?? sorry zac.. you made me the person i am today, who thinks that somehow, friends are more important than you. i know you want to be the first in my life, but sorry, you're not, for now. it now depends on how are you going to make me trust you totally again.. like the way i trust my friends. they're really my loved ones.. i love all of them very very much. :) hahas. *LOVES. <3 hehees.
well.. i just received a call from zac. super sians. he pissed me off! like what the fuck! he's gonna bring another friend of his to NP skate club's urban skating tomorrow. it's like so fucking rude?? it's not organised by me or patience. though patience asked me to go and also ask me to ask him along. that's doesn't mean he's allow to bring his friends without asking for permission. it's not his event. irritating. honestly speaking, he's not part of NP and he's still allowed to go, i already think that he should be glad enough that other people let him go, i don't even feel like asking him to go at all lohh. his presence will only restrict me from my friends, which i hates TOTALLY!!! i just hope he won't come and lecture me when i'm skating tomorrow. if not, i'll just give him hell. i'm mean, yes i am. cause he made me who i am today. irritating!! what the hell. i hate to be mean, but he's like, driving me nuts??? FUCK!!! restricting me from this and that. since he's bringing his friend there, then i need not bother to entertain him anymore. he can jolly well go with his friend. i go with mine. simple as that. it's settled. and he's not going to meet me tomorrow before urban. but i don't know how to go.. SP's basketball court. sians. hahas. ask eric!! hahas. ex-SPian. lols. okays. ask him then. :)
hmm.. don't know lahh. feel so pissed now.. by zac. irritating. can he just stop irritating me? let me have my peaceful life?? haix.. i notice i'm no longer have the patience i used to have in handling this relationship. i lost my patience. i seriously lost it. it's a saddening news. yes it is. my years in band, has trained me to be patience person. my years in band has taught me to calm down to handle all problem. i lost all of them now. i seriously lost them.. to the three weeks of separation. three weeks is enough to change me.. three weeks is enough.. to make me lose my patience. i feel like giving upp. i feel so tired handling relationship now. i wish to be single. or maybe i should be lesbian. maybe i should.. lesbians are more devoted, understanding and not so irritating. that's lesbian to me. i wanna be one. it has been my wish to be a lesbian.. but i know my mom will kill me then let me be lesbian. haix. : but i know if i really wanna be one, she won't be able to stop me. she knows how stubborn i am. she knows how rebellious i can get. she knows me very well.. yarh. she knows me.
okays.. back to my topic. wednesday's dinner. after the dinner, actually they wanted to go phuture. but full house, so they go to zouk, full house also, so they wanna go O bar. i can't go in, cause need to be 20. fuck! then they try DBL O, i can't go in too!! cause i'm wearing slipper. like what the fuck??? nabeh. damn pissing lahh. fucking hell lahh. shit. then no chioce, zac left the place with me. then we go home. yarh. wanted to call eric to talk cause i'm bored. but zac got pissed. so put down. then i went to sleep. fucking irritating. then i didn't know he called eric when i was asleep. damn irritating. he's so irritating. so kuku. idiot. well i hate him for being like that. and eric actually still say it's because he care for me?? he's not pissed? i mean, he's nice enough to actually not get angry with zac for scolding him. but i'm pissed at zac for doing so. so what if i'm his girlfriend??? i have my freedom to make friends. so?? just stay away from my problem.. stay away from my friends or me if he can't accept me foe who i am. I"M LIKE THAT!!!!! he's the one who make me who i am now. he's to be responsible for my changes. he can't blame anyone else but himself. yes, only himself to blame. no one else!!!! *PISSED!!*
well, ohh no, god, can i have my patience back?? i want them back. i don't wanna be bad-tampered. i don't like to be.. i wanna be happy, cheerful and not-hot-tempered. yes, this is the kat i'm looking for. :( i want myself back. the girl who is always smiling and not unhappy. i wanna everyone to smile with me. :( i wanna be happy. yes i wanna be happy. mister happy!!! miss happy is unhappy already.. do something!!! :( *sobs* i don't wanna lose myself, i want myself back. yes i want myself back. so please.. let me be back to myself. god, let me be who i wanna be. ArGhHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so frustrating.. so irritating. just one call and i can be like this. how pathetic. i don't wanna be affected by him so much. he's just part of my life. not my entire life. why should care so much about what he say?? i shouldn't care. yes i shouldn't. i should just enjoy myself. :) hahahahahahahas. :) lols. i guess i'm madd. yarhh. i'm madd. ArgHHH!!! sians.
don't know lahh. no mood to blog now. take care to all of you.. love you all lots. :) *muacks* huggies. :)
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