well.. i'm back here now.. at this time, this day.. feeling kinda sick and terrible.. this time round, the sick meant, fall sick.. and not sick of myself. my throat hurts.. and i've got lesson later.. in the afternoon.. super sians.. yarh.. so painful lahh.. haix.. it can't be a symtom of pms wadd.. i've never gotten this before.. i think is i'm falling more sick symtom bahh.. sians.. lols.
well.. i already told action i can't work next week already.. hahas. i'll be going back to malaysia. yayy!!! :) lols. aiyaa~ this week is hectic lohh. tomorrow got lesson at gan eng seng primary school. then after that i think gotta go OUB bank's lesson also.. ohh god.. what a hectic day.. Friday and Saturday got instructor training at east coast F1 carpark.. lols. so stress.. after ISCC still gotta go for another training.. who ask IC have their way of teaching.. hmm.. never mind.. it's better to learn more things.. haix.. yarh.. :)
hmm.. finally today i got all the address done.. so many lahh. yesterday so suay lohh.. actually done everything already.. but don't know what happen all my data gone.. sad lahh.. then gotta do everything all over again.. lols.. haix.. sians.. BORING!!! aRGHHHH!!! never mind.. it's all done anyway.. hahas. damn shagged lahh.. maybe after blogging i'll go straight to sleep already.. lols. hahas. :) past few days went to jazren's chalet.. well.. i had fun? hahas. :) so nice. lols. so long never see all of them.. then gotta know jazren's boyfriend and kamae's too. :) frances and shawn?? or sean?? don't know. hahas. so many different spelling. lols. okays. hahas. at least i remember the name. :) hehees. last night was so fun lahh. i learnt how to play mahjong!!! :) hehees. so fun.. we play like almost the whole night?? hahas. then in the morning, brother they all go to OCH. and i stay at chalet.. and i fall asleep.. while waiting for them.. actually before that i was talking to zac on the phone.. but kinda pissed at him.. for lying to me.. idiot. he told me the chalet was for his team fookers and yedkers and some of maple's guild members only.. end upp his classmates who are girls.. came over when he told me that there were only boys.. i mean.. i don't mind if your classmates go.. i don't give a damn about the girls in his class. but why don't let me know?? what is there to hide from me?? if he's gonna be like this, then i see no point of why should i tell him what i'm doing right now, at certain moment. stupid. it's really stupid. he only make me lose trust in him.. make me feel that the ' eliz incident ' will happen anytime.. anywhere.. there's no trust anymore, the trust is gone.. it's gone.. i thought things would be better.. but.. somehow, i can't get over eliz's that incident.. though not everyone know what happened.. but.. it's my phobia.. it's my fear.. i'm scared of being betrayed.. i'm scared of being hurt.. i don't know how long will i be able to take it.. but.. i love him.. i don't know.. i feel so troubled.. sians.. PMS????????? GOD.. GET THE FUCK OF THIS OUT OF ME.. I HATE THIS.. nabehh.. spoiling my everyday only.. sucker. i don't wanna be a girl.. i wanna be a guy.. no period.. so good. sians lahh.. life suck with period.. FUCK!
i don't wanna talk.. i don't wanna talk to zac.. he pissed me off. i didn't reply his message.. i don't wanna see him.. i wanna sleep.. throughout the night and don't think of him.. i wanna forget him at this moment.. right NOW!!!! sucker.. well.. i hate fucker like that.. arghhHH!!!!! say one thing and do the other. [[ see the wall over there?? go and bang your head agaisnt the wall hard and i kiss you goodbye ]] so irritated.. ohhh nooo. i know i don't wanna be like this, i know i hate to be like this.. anyone who knows me knows that i don't wanna be like this, i wasn't like this.. my period is taking over me.. it is taking over me.. i'm feeling annoyed.. shit shit shit. ohhh nooooo... i wanna shut my mouth and stop the vulgarities.. but.. it's so uncontrollable.. i type out what i wanna say.. straightforward and quick.. ohhh nooo.. shit.. what should i do now??? i know i'm supposed to be sleeping now.. or else tomorrow i'll die.. i'll die of tiredness.. i'll die.. of sickening-ness. i'll die.. for the sake of dying. i wanna be mute.. i wanna be one.. ARGHHH!!!!!!
what should i do??? help me arhh............haix.. well.. band came to my mind recently.. i miss band.. ever since rasyidi told me about the plan.. i've been thinking about it.. imagining it.. everything was so perfect in my imagination.. and i hope everything goes like the way i thought it would. i wanna help band.. i really want.. :) band.. i need you all to be back to before.. so that mr. jais won't worry so much for you all anymore. he still calls me to check on you all.. he still care a lot about you all.. so don't let him down okays? i'm listening to ' challenge the sky and heaves above '.. the SYF piece that mr. jais choosed to make it the choice piece for 2007.. it's nice. and i believe the band can do well with this piece also. they can.. but i need all of them to be together.. play as one.. ONE BAND, ONE SOUND.. my band can definitely do it de.. so band.. jia you okays??? :) don't give uppp... i love you all lots..
okays lahh.. enough lerx lahh. i wanna sleep lerx.. goodnight.. take care.. :)
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