haix.. my mood swing this time is getting overboard.. i know. i know it myself. but i can't control.. i feel sorry for zac.. i'm venting anger on him due to my moodiness. sorry dear.. haix.. ohh god, i'm getting so hot-tempered nowadays.. sians. like can anyone help me?????? haix.. : sobs..
to: zac dear
dear.. sorry.. i can only say this to you.. i know you have changed.. to become the kind of boyfriend that i'm looking for. somehow, i'm the disappointment now.. i got hot-tempered and i know i'm no longer as sweet as before. i can't sweet talk to you.. i can't shower love on you. sorry. cause i'm afraid.. the more i love you.. the more i care for you.. the more i rely on you.. the more i can't take it when you mention break upp in this relationship. and i know.. if you do, i won't be able to persuade myself to give you another chance. im afraid that the more i love you, the more i find it hard to accept you again if we were to break upp again.. so i have to restrict my love for you. my care and concern for you.. for now, i'm only frighten of one thing. i'm frighten that.. you'll get upset knowing why i'm doing this. i know you want me to love you with the whole of my heart.. yes i do.. but i can't show you how much you really meant to me.. sorry baby.. i love you.. and you know it.. i'm trying hard.. trying hard to trust you again.. trying hard to accept you totally.. trying hard to forgive and forget.. you know how revengeful i am. i', the kind who will make the person pay double for what they've done to me. you know me don't you? so.. forgive me. for being who i am. that's me. so accpet me the way i am. and love me for who i am. if you can't take it being with me, don't force yourself. don't make yourself unhappy.. you deserve a better choice. :) alrights? once again.. sorry baby.. i love you... :) [[ love for you don't die easily. ]]
hahas. okays. i feel better now, after apologizing. well, i know writing it on my blog means nothing. i'll find a chance to tell him, personally. maybe later? when i call him? don't know. maybe tomorrow. hahas. i mean, today. it's already 1:55am. hehees. and i'm still awake when there's work at 11am tomorrow. ohh god. hahas. : lols. i should be turning in soon. i did a lot of horrible things today. i made zac sad i think. i'm being so mean to him.. i don't know what has got into me. i just feel so not right. sians. :( haix.. don't know lahh. hahas. :) lols. i feel so guilty now. haix. maybe i'll call him before i sleep bahh. he might be playing maple. lols.
hmm.. later part of today, there is an instructor meeting and there will be a photo session and dinner after that. actually, i shouldn't be present for that meeting etc. i didn't turn upp for ICICP. i don't deserve the treatment. haix. i'll see how bahh. maybe go and have dinner with zac? hahas. pei him lohh. if not later he'll feel lonely.. : *LOVES. eric is going out of camp today. CONGRATS lahh can?? he want to leave camp so badly lahh. yarh. but thursday gotta book in again.. a bit retarded arhh?? hahas. oops. sorry eric. lols. hehees. :) i know you're not petty sort. :) ohh i love you for that mann!! guys shouldn't be petty. hahas. true wadd. petty guys are unwanted. hehees. :) i also don't like petty guys. lols. i like optimistic and happy guys. :) hahas. hope zac will be one of this kind. :)
hmm.. okays lahh. t's 2:03am already.. time to zZzZ lerx bahh. if not later cannot wake upp. :) take care to all.. love all of you soo soo muchh!!! *LOVES. *winks*
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