i'm having break now. am at canteen four. have yet to eat. yeah. feeling confused, sad, terrible and in the state of lost...
last night, around 1.20am, i was talking to nicole over the phone. then he send me a message saying "sorry my phone no batt.. i suggest we seperate for 1month from today on. cool down. think about this relationship, is it hard to be together.. no batt le.. bye. " at that moment, my heart sank and i started crying. i feel so hurted. felt as though there're thousands of knives poking me. right into my heart. i couldn't control my tears. then nicole ask me for maria's number and she tried calling her. but ahe didn't pick upp. then we know she's asleep. after i call wilson, ask him if he's sleeping. he was sleeping but nevertheless, he's nice enough to wake up and talk to me. nicole ask him to call her phone and we conference. i told him about his message and stuffs. and there i go crying again.. both of them tried to talk sense into me and confort me of course.. then give advice on what i should do.. yeah.. we had a long chat until around 2.40am. yeah.. i'm on the phone for almost 3 hours last night.. just to talk about him with them.. we talked a lot. about my feelings for him and his feelings for me. about how i think of this relationship and how they see this relationship and many more. and oof course, why is he like that.. haix.. we really discussed a lot.. a lot.. haix.. lastly i put down the phone cause mom wants me to sleep. and before i sleep, i replied to his message saying "one month is too long for me. once i'm ready i'll tell you. and wanna tell you sorry if i hurt you in any way. take care and i love you always."
and this morning, before i leave home for school, he sent me a message saying.. "then how long?.. i feel so bad.. will you listen to me?" i don't know how to reply to his message and i just leave it. then ii message nicole and wilson tell them about his message. both gave me advices. nicole ask me if i still wanna be undder his control next time. and wilson ask me to tell him i'm unsure of the timing etc. i don't deny i need time now.. but i don't know how long i need. finally, i finally reply to message like half an hour ago? saying "sorry. i'm unsure of the time. let's just give each other time now before deciding anything else bahh. and.. i'll listen to you but the final decision is up to me to decide what i wanna do. so please understand this. sorry." haix.. i don't know how he'll react upon reading my message. maybe he'll be sad, maybe he'll be angry or maybe he don't even feel anything. i don't know.. i really don't know.. haix.
i've troubled wilson and nicole for almost the whole of last night. i feel so bad but they're okays with it and even say that if i need them, they'll be there for me. how nice to have friends like them. they're really treasured by me.. i love them all.. :) thank god that they're there with me.. or i really don't know what i'll do.. haix..
hmm.. yeahh.. that's so much for today.. anything i'll update again bahh..
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