early this year

09012006

Haix. I'm back lerx. Well, like before. i'm unhappy today. Yupps. Still because of dada. Haix.

My heart seems to be bleeding since that day. I don't wish to write out whatt has happened but, I don't know. I cried again. :( Haix. Anyway, I hope I can pack all my unhappiness upp and carry on my happy life. I don't want to always cry or etc. Haix.

Well, don't know whatt to write lehh. Like very empty in my mind. Could it be because I haven't been blogging? don't know. Haix.

Went back to band for the CCA fair on last Friday. It was such a let down. Haix. So disappointed lohh. The band was less than 35 members! i'm extremely sad. And the marching squad. i'm more or less like, give upp? Haix, anyway, i'm out of band. Should be like, stay away from band stuffs? Maybe I really should. But one thing i'm happy about that day was, i'm back to BDS!!!!!! :) hahas. Nevertheless, my happiness could never cover upp my sadness. Never compare a moment of happiness to the long period of sadness cause this moment of happiness will mean nothing in the end. Haix.



27012006

well, it has been such a long time since I last blogged. Exclude the entry made at darling's house. Yahh. Quite long lerx. Haix. The last entry was saying i'm happy finally. Now, i'm sad again. it's not those sad a while then okiee that type of sad. it's those that we consider as agony. And it might be a very long one.

Recently, I've been crying a lot. Yes. i'm very upset. And the only person who can cause miee to become so sad, I think everyone knows. For him, I drop my tears again. The one and only man in my entire life. Should I let go? I don't know. My heart can't bear to let go of him. I miss him dearly now. Yes, I miss him very much now. it's not just now, but forever. ''There are other better guy waiting for youu, youu don't have to waste your time on him'' so many people told miee this but none I listen to. I love him, everyone who knows miee well knows. I love him with the whole of my heart. However, he doesn't know. why? I need him but I don't know how to tell him face to face. I don't know how to express myself properly, I know. He has been wanting miee to tell him many ''I love you'' personally and not in messages. i'm frighten. i'm really frighten. i'm afraid that the more I tell him, the more I won't be able to take it if he ever choose to leave miee one day.

Haix. Whyy are girls so vulnerable? Whyy? Whyy can't we be stronger when it comes to handling our emotions? Must we always be defeated? Is life so unfair? Haix, Edmond said life is never fair; it depends on how youu are going to make it fair. Well, it's quite true. It all depends on us. However, whatt cann I do so that at least I feel that heaven is a little fair to miee when it comes to relationship? I'm really lost. Very lost. God, cann youu hear miee? aren't youu suppose to save miee from pains? Whyy am I still in pain now? I feel so helpless. So sad. Arghh!!!! :(

Haix, want to write a dedication to him. that's all I'm going to say now. Take care to all. :)


06022006

Hellos. I'm back. Yahh. Haix, so sad. Yesterday quarrel with him. Sobs. Sigh~

it's a long story lahh. Was happily enjoying myself learning slides then the stupid rain came and we have to go to Mac for shelter. Like damn wet blanket lohh. Then wait at Mac until 11 plus. Steven sends miee to eunos mrt station. I took the last train back home. On the way home, Brandon message miee and console miee. Then Maria called because Wilson told her whatt happened. Then she chat with miee a while and I feel better. She called just at the right time when I wanted to look for someone to confide to. Haix. Thanks baby. Youu called just in time. :) Then messaged Wilson to thank him for telling Maria. I was home around 1am.

Just as I open the door then mom scold miee and I was damn pissed and fucked upp lohh. Before that already pissed like hell then when I finally cool down mom give miee problem. Fuck lohh. Like so whatt lohh. She quarrels with dad then vents all her anger on us because dad doesn't want to talk to her. Like, whatt has it have to do with miee!?? Damn angry lahh. Arghh! Today is not my day lohh. Do whatt also against myself. Fuck lahh. ARGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Was trying to cool myself down by eating. Eat and eat. Yahh. Haix, feeling so sad lohh. Yahh, whyy isn't luck with miee mann? Have been feeling so lousy. Haix, my god!! Like so terrible lohh. Sobs. Sobs.

Arghh, never mind. Play maple! Hahas. Kills time. Going east coast to meet Maria later! :) take care peoples!