Dedication for him.

This entry is especially for the one and only man in my entire life - Lim Zhanyu Zac. It is a fact and it will never change because my love for him will never dies, never fade away but getting stronger with the flow of time. Now and forever. *This entry was supposed to be posted long ago, but due to some personal reasons, I did not, and am doing it now. *

Dada, I have a lot to tell youu but I cann only tell youu in words, not personally. I apologize for this and hope youu will understand. I am just too timid to tell youu face to face.

All these while, I have wanted to tell youu many things but dare not say. Maybe all the things that I mention now are the ones youu have been hoping to hear from miee all along. I am sorry for the delay. Maybe it is going to be too late or maybe it is going to be just on time. This is going to be longest dedication for youu ever I think. Therefore, I hope youu will have some patience to finish reading the whole dedication. Thank youu so much for reading this. :)

It has been a long time since youu read something from miee right. This is going to be the first one for the year and maybe the last one. Dada, listen carefully to whatt I am going to tell youu here. Remember youu asked miee whatt I like about youu for quite a number of time? And I failed to answer youu for as many time as youu ask. It is not that I do not know how to answer but do not know how should I phrase them well to tell youu. Being with youu for so long, never at once I like youu for whatt youu are. The Zhanyu I knew in 2002 and the Zhanyu I know today is really a big contrast. In whatt way, I am sure youu know it very well and I have been telling youu all these while. Nevertheless, I still love youu like before. Though in between, many things happened, I am never able to forget youu. Following are the reasons whyy I like youu. Youu are careless sometimes, blur sometimes, youu do not care about others, youu want to seek other's attention to tell them youu are capable in some ways, and youu never like to lose face in front of anybody because youu pride is so important to youu in your life. Lastly, youu are someone who wants to win everything that youu cann and when youu cannot achieve them, youu get very irritated and upset. All these reasons, makes miee want to stay with youu and love youu. These may sound to be like all your bad points but in my eyes, youu are not perfect without them and youu are definitely not yourself without them. They may be difficult to tolerate and sometimes I just explode because I cannot take it. Honestly speaking, without all these points, I will not realize my love for youu is actually so strong. Definitely, without them, we may be better or may be worse than now but nobody knows the answer. Simply in words, I never regret loving youu so deeply. Also, please never think that I love youu for whatt youu are. Youu must be wondering whyy am I so weird to like all youu bad points. Just to let youu know, this is where I find youu cute sometimes. Youu are just so lovable sometimes. Now youu know whyy I like youu? In addition, I hope youu know that when I just know youu, I did not know youu were smoking. I love the whole of youu but not smoking. I hope one day, youu will quit for our sake. As long as youu are willing, I will stay by youu until the end. Please? Haix ~

Yeshh, youu may say that many things happened and made youu lose trust in miee. However, my beloved, I never betray youu in any way. I tried to gain trust from youu again but youu still seems to be worrying a lot about miee. Has your love for miee become obsession? I hope it did not because love and obsession is two different things. I know youu want very much for miee to always be by your side but honey, we have our own commitments. I hope youu will not mind miee saying this now. I will take out my time to accompany youu but I cannot be with youu for twenty-four hours. I still have my family and friends. It is the same for youu, youu have your family and friends too. Even though I would be glad to spend every second with youu but I cannot be selfish. Neither cann youu. Alright? The both of us could spend just too many moments together. We have the time of our own, in our world, doing the things we love. We will not be short of time to do anything we are hoping for. Don't youu think so too? It is just the matter of whether we are willing to do it together or not. I am willing to do anything with youu, youu? Sometimes life has some critical decisions to be made. The decision can affect the person in short term or long term.

We were so close to ending this relationship recently, as for the reason, I shall not say it out, as somehow, it seems to be so embarrassing to let those who read my blog know. It is not something I am proud of. At last, we came to an agreement, as a mean for us to stay together again. Dada, I hope youu will carry out the agreement well. It has become something very important to miee. Well, having said so, I really didn't expect youu to tell miee that three and a half years of relationship cannot be compared to your cigarette. I feel so hurt. I was speechless. Other than tears, nothing could be seen on my face. Nevertheless, it has ended and I hope you will carry out the agreement as mentioned. Now, all I hope for is the both of us to be as happy and loving as we used to be before we go Malaysia. that's my only wish now. :)

Okiees lahh, this entry is definitely long enough fore you to read already. Loving and missing you always. Huggs.