April's updates

01042006

Today is April fool. Cause it’s 1 April. Yahh. I have not been blogging for a long time. The last time I blogged was about two months ago. After that was lazy to blog. Cause was very involved in skating and most of the time is at east coast. Or at inline culture. :)

Yupps. Today is here cause, I’m bored at home. So came to blog, with one hand! Haix~ how unfortunate can I be? I dislocate and fractured my wrist last Sunday while giving out flyers at east coast. Anyway, I wasn't very pessimistic about the whole accident. I take it, as god wants me to take a good rest before I start skating once more. Haix.. I don't blame anyone for my injury. Anyway, thank you to those who showed miee a lot of care and concern.. *but I want youu to be the one who show miee the MOST concern but youu didn't.. Haix~ * drop this, cause it really saddens miee when I actually recalls myself being told not to skate until I’m fully recovered!!! But something I really want to mention is - i'm finally in Demo Team!! Yeshh! i've been waiting for this moment and it finally came true!!! :) i'm very happy when Steven told me early this week!!! Because of this but at the same time, sad because the one whom I wish to see on my messaging list, my call register did not appear as often as others and instead of cheering miee upp, made miee sad. Haix~

Never mind.. Back here also because I have many entries to post. So is posting them all TODAY!!! :) Some entries were written long ago. It is either I missed out or did not want to post them out first. Those I missed out were the ones I wrote down on a piece of paper then type them out again. Bored yeah? Yahh indeed. Many some of youu finds miee madd but this is miee, think whatever way youu want to. i'm here to blog down my feelings and thoughts, not to blog down sweet stuffs to please any of youu.

Yesterday Maria, Wilson and dada came to visit miee. Due to time constraint, I went to meet them at yishun MRT at 11pm. Then walk around a while. Then they go back. I thought I should be happy seeing them but somehow I know i'm sad. I seriously don't know why. Cause before that I was excitingly expecting them to come. However, when i'm on my way home, I feel sad. Is it because I can't bear to see them leave? Or is it because I really miss skating? Or both? Or.. is it something else on my mind? Haix~ I feel sad, that is all I know. And I wish someone would be here to console me, cheer me upp. :( Definitely, I hope the someone is HIM!

Talked to Maria yesterday, because I was sad. Then she talks to me to cheer up. Thank you baby. At the same time, I was messaging Lynn, telling her my feelings about her etc. and she told me about Steven asked her about Demo Team and said we are in the last two slots. Glad she is finally in Demo too.

After that, I talk to dada, using handphone. *sorry I lied to you* told dada I spoke to Lynn. He seems to be pissed and this makes me feels even worse. Dada, you know by doing this, you didn't make me feel better? But make me get suspicious and wonder why are you reacting like this. I feel so insecure and you make me feel that she mean something to you. Yeshh, i'm jealous. Anything that has got to do with you, I care. Every little thing you do, you say, means a billion to me. Cause it's you. I will not care if it's someone else. If not for you, I won't be like this. Love is selfish. it's true. i'm not someone who allows my boyfriend to get near a girl for no reason. To be nasty, it's flirt. it's just like you don't like me to get near other boys. The logic is the same. You should know why i'm behaving this way. You used to tell me you don't feel secured and cherished because I don't get jealous and never tell you even when I do. Now i'm telling you, I AM JEALOUS! I DON'T LIKE YOU TO GET NEAR TO LYNN OR ANYTHING TO DO WITH HER! JUST LIKE YOU DON'T LIKE ME TO GET NEAR TO MY BOY FRIENDS OR EVEN SPEAK TO THEM. Do I make myself clearer now? Do I have to go to this extent to let you know I don't like certain thing? can't you get hints? You want me to take initiative, Yeshh, i'm doing it now, just for you. But like I told you before, can you please don't take me for granted? Sometimes I need you to pamper me like a little girl, love me like someone you need a lot. Little actions to show me your love for me and i'll feel secured and loved. Dada, this is all I want you to do. This is all I want from you. Let me feel loved, secured and appreciated. Dada, you know how much you mean to me and I told you. If you want me to do something for you, I will do it if I can. Dada, yesterday you told you again you don't feel loved, and now I want to tell you, other than you, there's no one else in my heart. You will be my one and only NOW and FOREVER. If an open confess does not ease your mind still, tell me what I can do to prove to you. i'm willing to do anything to prove to you. Before my injury, I know everything was fine. But please understand my feelings now. I'm feeling sad enough for my injury though i'm trying to be optimistic. Sorry, maybe i'm really sad over this accident but dare not face it bravely yet. Maybe I don't have the courage yet.. Sorry. I hope you can be understanding and do something to make me feel better cause all I need now is you to make me happier person. Okays. Enough of talking to you. I shall blog down another time bahh. I still have other things to say. Love ya always. Muacks.

Actually, other than sadness, I don't know what else to say. Because my mind is not at ease. I feel troubled. Really troubled. And only one person can ease my mind now and he should know it. Haix~ don't know lahh. Feel so sad now. Maybe I should just finish blogging here. Hope my next entry will be a happy one bahh.. :(


02042006

Today back to blogging.. hahas. Like so on now ahh? Hahas. :) Yupps. Today i'm happy!! didn't knew it would be this fast! Just only a day apart. Hahas. :)

Spoke to dada yesterday. And he did something that is so noble! He finally assured me of his feelings for me! He told me that i'm the one he love now and not anyone else. I felt happy and relieved at that moment. Before that, he messaged me and said sorry for making me angry and sad. And he finds that he's unable to make me happy. And asked why I wanna be with him. He says he's a lousy boyfriend. Of course, I got angry and sad because I care. I want him to assure me of his feelings for me. Cause i'm feeling insecure and not loved. But now everything is fine! But my love, I want you to know that the thought of leaving has never cross my mind like what you thought it might happen.. Freedom is a nice word but without you, freedom is nothing. You know? Sometimes I deliberately make you angry or go against you, just to see how much I mean to you. Hahas! Girls throw tantrum sometimes, so my dear, learn to pamper me like a little girl sometimes.. :) Okays? Hahas. I know you want your freedom. Yes you can have it.. But please, know your own limits okays? Like what you once told me, you can do what you want but know your own limits. Err, get what I mean? One thing I wanna tell you horx, can you don't let others think that you're very open towards other girls? If these comments pass to my ears, what do you think I will feel? So, please, behave yourself my love. :/ I'm not saying i'm not behaving like this, I do behaves badly when i'm overjoyed but not anytime, anywhere okays? Hahas. Well, let us both not do it together alrights? Hahas! :) My dear you gotta know this, i'm angry and sad isn't solely your fault. I was brooding over the accident's consequences and the boredom of being at home and not able to skate. Sorry if I made you thought that everything is your fault. It isn't my dear. Okays? :) And please, if your feels that you are not loved at anytime, let me know. Because I wanna assure you of my feelings for you at all times. :) Okays, honey, last few words for you for today. Love you always! Muacks and huggs..

Hahas! Tomorrow is Wilson part one's birthday!!! Any sabotage? Hahas! :) Kekeke. Make his eighteenth birthday a very memorable one lahh! Hahas. Ohh, so sad tomorrow Inline Culture off day. How about Tuesday? Hahas. Err, i'm like talking to myself? Hahas. Unless some IC skaters reads
Blog lahh. Hahas. :) Okays lahh. Enough for today.. Hand pain already.. :( take care to all, especially the most important man in my life!! I can't afford to take it if anything bad happens to you. Love ya always. :) bye bye.. Update soon? Hahas! :)