it's all over.. but i give him my blessings.. :)

last night.. right under zac's house. we're over.. officially.. we had an arguement before and wednesday i went to st james.. and ben they all came to fetch me.. and i went off with them.. stayed over at ben's sentosa house.. haix.. actually everything started because he went out to have dinner with chloe.. well.. let me just do a short introduction about this girl..

CHLOE : a girl with two horoscope.. a girl who's older than zac.. a girl who can afford more things for zac than me.. can drive him around in her car.. a girl who simply... like zac. and zac is giving consideration about her as his girlfriend. well, since we're over.. i give him my blessing. yes.. :)

yarh.. surprisingly.. i'm letting go without much sadness with me.. thanks to ben, keegan, dylan, khairul and mahesh.. :) anyway, they're people i know recently.. but brought me happiness during my unhappy times. well, i knew ben long ago though. hahas. =D ben, keegan and dylan is going back to australia soon. hahas. will upload their pictures soon. took pictures with them before they leave. how cool yeah? :) LOL.

well, let me just do some recap. hmm..

tuesday:
went to work in the afternoon. from zac's house.. then work until 9pm. and zac say he doesn't wanna meet me. so i went home. before that ben called to ask if i wanna meet. and i say i'll call him back. right after zac told me he's not meeting me, i called ben to tell him i can meet him. and so he picked me upp from my house that night. and we were out the whole night. without zac's knowledge. anyway, me and zac is over.. so there's nothing to hide anymore. yarh.. it's my fault for not telling zac in the first place. but telling him i'm going to meet ben will only lead us to quarrels. and so i decided not to say anything. yupps. i stayed over at ben's house that night.. yarh.. i know i shouldn't be doing that.. but i wanna see chloe. ohh well, this chloe i'm mentioning here is not zac's girlfriend. this chloe is much cuter. and i love her like mad.. too cute to resist. :) hahas. baby chloe i love you. :) slept around 7am. yupps. slept in the living room cause the guys took the room. the wanted to let me have the room but i was thinking that there are freaking so many of them and they wanna squeeze in the living room? a bit not nice. so i let them have the room. yupps. i slept in the living room.

wednesday:
woke upp quite early actually.. cause chloe woke me upp. she wanted me to play with her. but i was too tired. so i got upp to entertain her a while and i sleep again. i could hear her bell ringing.. i mean the bell on her anklet. so cute. hahas. and she was calling me " jie jie " so lovely. took picture with her. yupps. then i sleep until around 2pm then wake upp. then play with chloe until around 3pm. eat my lunch.. then go to work with taxi. but when i reach there.. i was told that my schedule actually changed. from 4pm to 6pm. but i wasn't informed. so i'm like.. what the hell? but never mind. start work at 4pm still. until closing. i was pissed at zac for going out with chloe and not even telling me about it at all. supposingly, we're going st james together.. but end upp i don't feel like going with him.. so i meet ben instead. meet him at his house.. then i bathe etc.. feel like going st james.. so ben send me there by car. reach st james around 2am. dance until 3 plus. then ben come over to st james to fetch me.. and here is where zac was pissed. yarh.. it's my fault. but what's done is done. it can't be undone. so now, i shouldn't give a shit anymore. yupps. was a little drunk that night cause i wasn't in good mood. so drink five shot in one go. just to get myself high. yupps. i got high and because of this.. problem arise. well, i don't blame zac for anything. fucking no point. =D all i hope for now is myself being happy. yupps. of course.. hope he's happy with his girlfriend too. hahas. that night after i call zac at 5am.. i couldn't get him til the next day night time. he message me yarh.. i stayed over at ben's sentosa house that night.

thursday:
woke upp damn late. around 4pm. then got ready and we went to katong. eat and play pool and stuffs. until around 10pm.. zac message me.. cause i've been trying to get him since 7am. it's either the phone is off or he don't wanna pick upp the calls.. well.. fine then.. his message was.. and my reply was..

zac : if u think what u did yesterday is not wrong.. so be it. do what ever u wan. as what we agreed, our times is out, take care. i will take care of myself in camp.

kat : i didn't say i did the right thing. i also didn't do anything with them. where are you now?

zac : home. u even allow ben to kan me.. wtf.. i went insane yesterday.. i doubt u even care. u r enjoying with 5guys in ben hse. do i do all these shit? think..

kat : he say he wanna talk to you. and he was a little drunk last night. i didn't do anything with them also. i didn't do anything unfaithful.

zac : if u r loyal to me will u even go with them? will u allow them to scold me? scold me idiot and bastard etc.. wtf.. the guys drunk, u drunk,who know what happen?

kat : they bought me tea to let me sobber upp. only ben is tipsy. the rest was okay. and ben was okay after a while also. i was very clear of what i'm doing.

zac : u wan u come find me now. i got no time to entertain u. i will slp by 11pm.

kat : okay. see you.

zac : didnt expect u will do something unfaithful to me even before i go in. good. at least i really see your true colour.. i had gave u last chance to meet me. nvm.

kat : i said i'm coming! which part of it you don't understand!

zac : don get offended if i say anything nasty.. my mood is really bad. and i must slp by 11.

kat : i'll accompany you tonight and send you off tomorrow.

zac : no need. i don wan to be sad.

kat : i just wanna be by your side. i've looking for you the whole day yet you off your phone and you don't pick upp my calls.

zac : pls. u send me some nasty msg. pls make up your mind!

kat : what nasty message? i've been trying to get you since 7am.

zac : u go read your send item..

kat : the only one i send you was telling you about not to test my patience.

yarh.. that was the conversation before i meet him under his block. and when i was under the block with him, terry and joel.. he questioned me about the night before with ben they all.. what we did and stuffs. i told him we did nothing but he don't believe. and we sort of have an arguement. and he went home not long after that.. i stayed under the block with terry and joel to talk. yupps. and zac's house key was with me. so i decided to go upp and return him the key. but when i step in the house.. wanting to go in to his room.. i heard that he was on the phone with a girl.. so i stand outside to listen to what they're talking.. well.. all i heard was zac flirting with her and telling her how good the impression was on her etc. and that she's cute and saying that his friends ask him to consider her etc. standing outside and listening to the conversation.. i have two feelings.. first was feeling upset and yes, i cried outside the door. standing there for a while.. my heart sank. i called ben to ask where is he and asked if he could come and fetch me. and ben could tell i was sad.. so he said okay. and i told him to call me when he reach. around 2:20am.. ben called and said he's downstairs. but i was waiting for zac to end his conversation.. cause i don't wanna break into his conversation just like that.. and i was lucky enough.. he hang upp soon after ben's call. so i went in, on the light and left his key on the table. and tell him i wish him good luck on his new relationship. and i left. i called terry not to meet me cause someone is waiting for me downstairs. and terry asked if it was ben i said yarh.. then i ran off to meet them.. and zac follow me.. and he have some arguement with ben and they almost started a fight. thank god they didn't and we left.. but i could tell zac was pissed and devastated. but ben and friends also pissed.. after leaving there.. we went to east coast to buy macs. terry called and ask me to go back. but i don't really want to go the first place.. but terry say it'll be better if i go back.. so i went back.. together with the guys. and THE WHOLE STORY IS FUCKING LONG. I LAZY TO BLOG DOWN. ASK ME NEXT TIME YOU SEE ME. AND BLAH BLAH BLAH.. then i told zac i'm letting go.. and giving him all my blessings and i'm back there.. to tell him all the best. i could tell sadness in his eyes.. but i'm sorry.. i could tell both of us is tired.. both of us is really tired. so i'm making a decision which will do us better. yarh.. i'm letting go now.. yes i am..

zac message me when i was on the way back to sentosa house.

zac : take care..

kat : sorry. i think you feel happier without me. even though i wished i could always tell you i love you.. but what i heard just now, i think you'll feel better without me. i've settled the police. don't worry. you're not involved.

zac : happier? .. haha.. hopefully.. enjoy your days with all those guys ba.. i wont find them anymore.. and.. no matter what.. u r still in my heart..

kat : but from what i heard when you're on the phone with that girl, i think i'm no longer the only one in your heart. so yarh, i hope you're happier. i think i brought you nothing but miseries. i'm not a good girlfriend of yours.

zac : true, u r only part of my memories.. a sad one.. now i can choose among all gals.. better then u of cos. i will be happier then u! i wasted my 5 yrs.. its ok.

kat : yarh i guess i am. yupps. i think it's better for us to stay as friends now. i believe what mine is mine. what's not mine will never be mine. sorry is all i can say to you. YOU, are my memories. and i'm glad you're part of me no matter what.. you may choose not to talk to me or not to be friends. but it's upp to you, to be friends or not. all your call. i won't force you. for the years i've been with you, all that i've given you. i don't regret. thanks for all the memories you left me with. thanks for all that you've done for me. and sorry.. i can't be the girl you want me to be. sorry..

zac : jus take very good care of yourself..

kat : yarh i will. :) you too.

yarh.. that's all about it. and before i sleep. it was about 6:30am. i drop him a message saying..

kat : take care of yourself in camp. i can't be there for you. but i can always be there for you, not as a girlfriend, but as a friend. :)

zac : i go camp le.

that all we have for that day. yupps. i went to sleep right after the message. =_= -tired.

friday. woke upp at 3pm. get ready and stuffs.. go katong and played pool.. had dinner at sentosa golf club. ben's dad drive us there. then we're back to sentosa house. at night.. went to old CH. i got freaked out. FUCK! damn fucking scary lahh. got out and i never wanna go in ever. called bevan and told him about it. he just came home from party. so he was tired. chat for a while then we hang upp. after that back to sentosa house and here i am.. blogging. :) yupps. i think i suits going nice places better. HAHAS! lols. told bevan what happened last night. and he was like.. then? then? and then? cause i guess that's the only thing he can say. =_= HAHAS.

okay.. it's almost 7am now. i needa sleep and get upp early. update soon! :) bye all ~ LOVES.

will upload photos soon! :) :P