recently, so many things happened.. and i don't really have the time to blog.. quite busy recently too.. haix.. didn't expect so much changes.. really didn't.. i thought life will always be the same for me now. i thought it would never change.. until recently.. until recently.......
ABOUT ZAC :
all these while, i thought me and zac will make a perfect couple.. with comprism, true love and patience. somehow, i'm losing everything. i lost everything.. i don't know what should i do now. i'm very confused.. as to stay or leave. recently, i found out i'm losing patience.. in our relationship. trust is losing.. everything is losing.. like i said, we're no longer like before. we're totally different from before. i can understand that human change but this isn't an excuse for zac to give me empty promises and to take this chance to test my patience and tolerance. i may be nice and i can be nasty as well. i don't wanna always to under his control and have to tolerate all his nonsense.. backstabbing, bad-mouth, unreasonable actions and behaviour. well, i admit and won't deny that i'm stubborn, sometimes childish.. i mean, who won't?? but at least i won't be like him.. refuse to admit and deny. he's like a rotten apple now.. seems attractive but is actually rotten. i'm silly enough to eat this rotten apple and got myself sick. totally sick and disgusted. i feel so horrible now.. the feeling sucks okays!!! it's not nice!!! i can't imagine all these while, i've been tolerating him.. ohh god!!! i'm damn pissed at him.. irritated by him.. i've been a total silly girl.. to believe that fairy tales does exist in this world. to believe that i can be with zac forever. i regard him as my life but he treat me like a thrash. what's this???? life is soooo unfair????? i thought god was nice and fair.. but looks like i trusted the wrong beliefs. i feel so cheated. ohhh godd. ZAC!!! I TOLD YOU BEFORE, LEAVE ME IF YOU WANT TO, I WON'T STOP YOU, NOT ANYMORE. why must you once and again make me feel so sad and diappointed?? feel betrayed and unwanted. you bring me high and drop me low. what's this???? you give me faith and hopes and tarnish them the next moment.. why??? why can't have a stable relationship?? all i ask for to be with him is a promise of love, a promise of eternity.. but he can't do it.. why? i seriously need that from him.. i need.. when can he give me these? when? when? i'm afraid i'll lost forever.. until the day i die also i won't get those promise from him..... i don't want.. i don't know.. i'm feeling confused.. i don't know if i still have feelings for him.. but i want him to be with me.. maybe i'm just too used to having him with me.. or maybe i'm really stressed upp recently. maybe.. maybe.. maybe i should take a good rest. maybe i should just let everything go at this moment and rest well.. maybe i should. maybe... so many maybe but which should i do? which is the best choice? i don't know. i need guidance.. i need........ i'm seriously feeling upset about our relationship.. i don't know what should i do.. i don't know..
ABOUT STEVEN :
recently all of us made steven angry cause we're always late for training and not everyone is practicing.. and steven got really pissed.. haix.. i don't know what should i say lahh.. about this.. i think i shouldn't elaborate much bahh.. yarh..
well.. exams are coming and holidays as well. as promised, i will prove to steven i really appreciate his teaching and him. i will and i mean it. though i gotta take my o levels also. but i definitely will practice doubly hard during weekends. i promise. i don't want moomoo to be sad and disappointed again.. once is enough. and i got to know it the hard way.. i will remember it. hmm.. krazeric.. sorry. recently didn't contact you much cause i'm busy with school works and preparing for exams. i'll contact you once my exam finish. :) okays lahh. i don't wanna talk so much already lahh. take care everyone. :)
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